The end of 2012 was a strange time for me. After years of symptoms, I finally had my diagnosis, and am now learning to live with the cards that have been dealt to me. I do consider myself as very lucky, because whilst this was not a chosen part of my life, it is now a part of me, and I am able to help spread the word of an invisible disease affecting millions of women.
I am one of the lucky ones, yes I get bad days, when all I can do is cry and curl up with hot water bottles, but I also get the good days, and I am thankful for those days of normality, which a lot of people take for granted. I know it is always there, I can feel it every day, some days its just nicer to me than others.
I'm now back to working full time, and have moved locations. Going back to work wasn't easy for me, getting back into the routine of early mornings following sleepless nights, and actually attempting to engage my brain during the day. It's been difficult too having conversations around absence management, and trying to fit in hospital and doctor appointments outside of working hours. There's not been a week this year where I've not had an appointment or test yet.
We're a month into the new year, and I've already had 2 doctor appointments, 2 sets of bloods, and one hospital trip for another scan. I'm also waiting another hospital appointment involving general anesthetic, a consultation in March, and more intrusive tests on Tuesday (yes, its on my lieu day - fun times for me). They are currently investigating other issues now - which obviously plays on my mind.
I try so hard not to let it get me down, but the constant appointments are like mini reminders that this is me now. I am on the whole a lot less focused on it all than I was last year, being back at work definitely helps to keep my mind off of it all.
I've also joined slimming world, and two weeks in, I am 4 and a half pound lighter. This has definitely helped me to focus on other things in my life too. I want to get back to the way I was, be happy in my own body again. Something I've not been for a long time.
So while my body seems to be tearing me apart inside, I refuse to let it win. I take more tablets than I'd ever have imagined as a 27 year old girl, and I do struggle, but this is me, its not going anywhere, and its not going to change. I am doing the very best I can to play the cards I've been dealt, and am so thankful for the support of family, friends, endo girls, and of course, Jim, who has to put up with me every single day - Thank you.
This blog is not intended to be me moaning, this blog is intended to spread the word of Endometriosis. It is intended to help other people understand what this is and how it affects millions of women in the world. If I can educate one person on this invisible illness, I am happy.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog.